Thoughts on turning 40

I recently turned 40.  I kept waiting for this to bother me but it doesn't.  I had a struggle when I turned 30 so I kept thinking 40 would be worse.  30 was a little rough because I wanted more than anything to be a mom and I wasn't.  I did however think that I would be different at 40.  I thought I might feel grown up by now.  I don't.  I feel like I am clueless and just pretending to know how to be a Mom and a wife. I thought I would have more self control when someone put M&Ms in front of me but nope I still eat the whole bag.  Especially if those M&Ms have coconut in them.  I find myself thinking of my Mom often.  I wonder if she felt as clueless as I do.  By the time she was my age she had teenagers so I am sure her challenges were very different from me.   I always thought my Mom was perfect.  I thought she had all the answers.  I thought she was beautiful, fun, creative and smart.  As I grew older I was grateful that my Mom was the one that all my friends wanted to be around.  She made everyone feel so comfortable in our home.  I wonder if she felt exhausted at the end of the day.  I am fairly certain that she did.  I heard a friend recently say that she wished she had more pictures of her with her Mom.  I realized that I am always the picture taker.  I hate pictures of myself so I try to avoid them but for the sake of my kids I should be in them more.  I don't have tons of pictures with my Mom but I do have this one...

I think maybe my Mom and I share many of the same feelings.  

So today at 40 I can tell my kids that I get frustrated.  I feel like I am always nagging my kids.  Get your shoes, brush your teeth, comb your hair, settle down, etc.  I sometimes feel like all I do is laundry, cook and do dishes.  I get tired. REALLY REALLY tired.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I LOVE being a mom.  Sure, I wish I could sleep in more or go shopping by myself.  Sometimes I even wish I could take a vacation by myself but I know that I would just wish that my kids were with me.  I know that all too soon I will wish my stresses were about the kids hanging on the grocery cart or the crayon on the walls. I am trying to enjoy this stage of my life.  I try to make life fun for my family.  I try to make things special.  I make mistakes and I fail on a daily basis but I try really hard.  The thing I wish my kids could  know is how much time I spend praying for them.  I know that most of what happens in their lives in the hands of the Lord.  I pray constantly for his guidance.  I hope they always know how much I love their Dad.  I am so thankful that I get to stay home with them. The other day I asked the girls what they wanted to do that day.  They said snuggle in your bed and watch a movie on your computer.  I am glad I could say OK.  I hope my children know how much their Dad does for us.  He is so supportive of anything and everything we do.  Their Dad is a server.  I hope they learn this from him.  Anyway...back to 40...if my 40s are anywhere as challenging, rewarding, or as great as my 30s have been then I am looking forward to what 50 will feel like.